November is now behind us, and it was quite a month... and December is already almost half way over and I imagine you are all getting ready for the holidays, shopping, decorating and I imagine the Christmas music is playing everywhere....
So lets start with my trip to Kalinga....
I made sure I kept my eyes open as the bus got closer and closer to the place I called home for 2.5 years of my life. I had been a bundle of nerves the days leading up to my departure, I was never able to fully put my finger on why, I think I was nervous about how it would feel after being away for almost two years, especially with new people there now, and other students sleeping and studying in the rooms where I used too.
Because of this nervousness I welcomed the 11 hour night bus ride from Manila to Tabuk, in order to calm myself down before I arrived. The trip went by fast though, I slept well, I find it interesting that I sleep better on buses than I do on planes, I think its because planes are too smooth, the rocking of the bus sort of lulls me to sleep. anyway I digress. The last time I woke up on the bus, dawn was just breaking and I realized that I recognized the landscape around me and that I was nearing Tabuk, the rolling green hills and open rice fields filled my heart with excitement. As the bus entered Tabuk, I felt like I was coming home.
When I got into the tricy the words "Abundant, Magsaysay" rolled off my tongue as if I had never stopped saying it. (this is what we say to the tricy drivers to tell them where we need to go to get back to the clinic). I was staying with one of the supervisor midwives who lives right next to the clinic, when I arrived she greeted me, we squealed as girlfriend often do when they haven't seen each other in a long time and then she fed me breakfast. Later that morning I I got to help with a prenatal on one of my old patients who is now pregnant with her second child, that was really special.
my former patient
I wont go into the day to day details but I will say that it did not feel that strange to see other students living and working where I had before them, one of them even asked me if it felt weird and I could honestly reply that it didn't. I had some great times with the students them really enjoyed the conversations we had.
The wedding in Bugnay was wonderful. Two of the bridesmaids (whom I knew) and one of the previous students/current volunteer midwife and I all stayed together in Bugnay in a house belonging to a family member of the maid of honor (also a good friend). We had a lot of fun and laughter. Although I wasn't a bridesmaid I did have a title, I and another guy (whom I also knew) were responsible for the cord. Unfortunately I have no photos of me performing the task.
some of the bridesmaid and I
picture with the bride (the one on the middle) a few days after the wedding
Does anyone know how to do the cord?
The cord is one of the symbols performed during wedding ceremonies here, its actually really cool, a soft rope is placed around the shoulders of the couple as a symbol of their union. I felt honored that I got to help perform this task but also nervous as I had never done it before, and hadn't really seen it before, only once several years before. One thing I was happy about was as I mentioned before I knew who my partner was (there are two cord people, one guy to put the cord around the groom and one girl to put the cord around the bride) he is like a younger brother so I felt comfortable knowing I wouldn't be partnered with a stranger.
I hoped rather than believed there would be a rehearsal. I had asked several people how it was done I was meant mostly with "I'm not sure." But I was assured that when we arrived in Bugnay there would be a rehearsal later that night before the wedding the following morning. But first there was the Desperatose (not sure if I am spelling that right) which is a party that takes place the night before the wedding, it involves lots of dancing, most of which is the cultural dancing with the gongs, which is one of my favorite types of dancing of all time the men playing all types of gongs in perfect timing with each other as they dance in a circle, the women dance within the circle using certain footwork and arm motions, the men and women never touch. Anyway this party is a way to raise money for the bride and groom and the men will donate money to dance with the girls...or somethings like that. Anyway this took up the whole night so there was no rehearsal that night, but I was told the next morning that there would be one before the ceremony, but of course the women were late (not the bride she was on time) . So there was no rehearsal that morning either. So I figured I wouldn't panic after all, all I had to do was follow Eugene's example (my cord partner. When the wedding party gathered above the wedding grounds I met up with him and told him I was depending on him to know what to do. He gave me a nervous look and replied "I've never done this before either". so he started asking people if they knew how to do it, But was met with mostly the same response as I had. One other person tried to give him a crash course in it, so I just hoped for the best!
Eugene and i walked down the isle together, but i wasn't really sure where to go as we walked down before the bridesmaids and groomsmen and Eugene looked as unsure as I did, so I just grabbed his arm and started walking, but as soon as we got to the end neither of us knew where we were supposed to go, we looked at each other, I looked at the pastor, I even looked at Georgia, earlier she was the one tried to correct the pastor when he got my name wrong coming down the isle. She was near the front as one of the sponsors, she shrugged. Then I looked back and realized the usherettes were awkwardly motioning to a bunch of empty seats in the back. By this time Bridesmaids and groomsmen had followed our lead and the isle was starting to get full, so I couldn't turn back! frantically several men started pulling the empty chairs up to the front so the women could sit while the men looped back around to sit in the back. In the end in all worked out, but trust me to go and walk to the wrong place!
While sitting during the ceremony, Kattao, the maid of honor casually helped me unwind the cord that I had been carrying this whole time, she discreetly tied it into a loop and silently showed me how it went on. This was a Godsend as I realize I totally would have messed it up if she hadn't showed me. so when it came time for Eugene and I to place the cord, we did it flawlessly! I think we both breathed a sigh of relief.
picture of the "the cord team" before the ceremony
Being in Tabuk and Bugnay was emotional, because I remember when I left there for the last time, even though I was pretty sure I meant to come back, a part of me wasn't sure or maybe was afraid that I wouldn't make it back. I also went through a lot of emotions in the last year and debated if returning to the Philippines was the right move. So when I saw Kalinga again, I could feel my senses respond with an element of disbelief that I was actually back but also with a sense of rightness.
Bugnay
While in Tabuk I met up with Kate, one of the social workers who worked at Abundant while I was there. The last words she had said to me before I left Tabuk over 1.5 years ago was "Come back." This time when we talked I told her after working with safe Ellora and I wanted to start a ministry like Safe in another part of the Philippines.
Now Ellora and I have actually been planning to go to Tabuk to start the ministry there but I had been having doubts about whether this was the right thing to do, things like 'isn't there greater needs in other places?' or 'do I just want to return there because i miss it?' But while Kate and I talked, she told be about the needs in Kalinga; how there is no place for girls or women to go to who are trapped in abuse, and she asked me to "Consider coming back here" I knew right there and then that God could not make it anymore clear, After Safe Tagaytay, Tabuk was the next stop.
When I left Kalinga, I felt sad, although I knew it was time for me to return, my heart felt grieved. This may be for two reasons, one is that it feels like home, so it felt like leaving home, another is that my heart is still there, planted like rice in the fields.
I arrived back in Manila at 4 AM, I had a brief rest at Safe in Manila and then I met up with Ate Red to go to a seminar called Freedom Forum. It is a seminar that happens every three years where NGO's (non government organizations) come from all over the Philippines to join forces in fighting against sex trafficking in the Philippines. This year the theme was about online sexual exploitation of children or OSEC . This is a major issue in the Philippines right now, as there is no age limit on who is affected by this, they gave one example of a child as young as 2 months old being exploited. There were several speakers of different denominations and workshops as well. It was a very full day. We were able to do some networking as well. It was an incredibly powerful thing to have Catholics, Anglicans, Nazarenes, and a large variety of others all in one room, praying together and uniting as one to end sex trafficking in the Philippines.
Some of the staff and I at freedom Forum
The next day Ate Red and I went to visit ate Gerlene; a Midwife who has a clinic in Quazon city,. Since I am not currently doing midwife work at Safe I am eager to keep up my midwife skills and continue to learn as much as possible, so I have been looking for a clinic that would allow me to pop in every once in while to get get some experience. We met Gerlene at a mall in Quazon and she took us to the clinic where I met the other two midwives who work there, one of which works only part time, she is a Canadian Missionary and she and her family have been in Manila for years. After giving me the tour and I shared a little of my story I kept waiting for them to ask me some more questions. But Ate Gerlene just looked at me clasped her hands together and said "so when do you want to start?"
We decided on a week in early December, which is actually this week! Yes, I am at the birthing clinic right now and have been loving being able to wear scrubs again, do some prenatals and talk to midwives about midwifery things, unfortunately despite the fact there are 16 moms due this month, no babies have felt it the right time to enter the world this week, so it is has been rather quite, the staff and I are getting a little bored honestly, the up side is that I have time to finish my blog, start my newsletter, catch up on some reading, including starting and finishing "A Christmas Carol," and doing some other writing. I will probably add a few days to the weeks in hopes of getting in on some births, before I head back to Tagaytay.
Homecoming and Blessings
But I have gotten ahead of myself, anyway after I made my first visit to the clinic in November
I was very happy to return to Tagaytay, and all the girls at Safe. I find that a really good way to help establish ones new home is to take a trip away from it for a little while because then when you come back you are able to say "I'm coming home," and there is comfort in that. I was happliy greeted by everyone and happily greeted them. I picked up PJ later that afternoon from my friend who was kitty sitting for me, he had gotten bigger and was now eating solid food, thank goodness! no more middle of the night bottle feedings. I had actually really missed him and was happy to have him in my house again.
PJ was a little sick however after I brought him home but a few trips to the vet and a good de-worming process did the trick. I am so happy that he is also now litterbox trained! The other day I was thinking as I was having my morning coffee an devotional time, and I was contemplating the idea of whether or not God really did send the abandoned street kitten to my doorstep. I thought about how when I was little I had always wanted a kitten, we had some wild barn cats at one time, a mama cat who had a litter of kittens in the hay, but one day had vanished with them, it was almost pathetic how grieved I had been over this. I remembered how every time my family would drive through a tunnel and my siblings and I would hold our breath and make a wish, I would alwasy wish for a kitten. In my adulthood I sometimes still do it for fun and out of habit I will still wish for a kitten. Once my parents let my brother and I get two barn kittens but they met their demise from some of our large sheep dogs, I remember weeping when I heard the news. When I was little a prayer for kitten would find its way into my nightly prayers if I remember correctly. As I recalled this the other day I was struck with the thought that God honors the simple desires of our hearts sometimes it just happens when we are least expecting it.
just hanging on the couch
one of PJ's favorite spots
Additions to the Kalinga plan
The other week I found something out that adds to the "Kalinga plan" turns out there is a Christian social worker and pastor whom is well known among people at the clinic in Tabuk who is also interested in starting a ministry like Safe Refuge in Tabuk, she has been talking to ate Red for some time. the next time I visit Kalinga we are planning to meet. Both Ellora agreed that we don't want to start anything unless we have support from locals, and we also know we had to have social workers on board. So having this woman suddenly appearing right after I said to God "Okay I'll do it," was pretty amazing. I am not putting all my eggs in a basket yet, but I can see God beginning to bring the plan together.
Language
I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is I'm not fluent yet! ok so maybe it would be a little surprising if a person was fluent after 3 months but I know I had gotten further with Spanish in three months so I was hoping I would have been further along. The good news is that I can string sentences together now, the girls are saying that my Tagalag is good, and that I am a fast leaner, although I am not sure about that, I have never been a fast learner at anything academic, and Tagalog doesn't feel any different. But its encouraging to hear them say that nonetheless. When I was in Tabuk I realized how well I was doing with Taglaog compared to how I did with Illocano. This is not because Tagalog is easier than Illocano, I mentioned before that I actually think the opposite, but I realize how much more I am pushing myself this time round. Although I wanted to learn Illocano badly and I did learn a fair bit of birth terminology (something I have not mastered with Tagalog yet) at some point I became discouraged and gave up on being able to learn any more Illocano, it was easier to speak to English and I think I was afraid to to speak Illocano in my day to day life. However when I've been learning Tagalog I have been making myself insert Filipino words into my English sentences. My fear of giving up learning the language is now far greater than whether or not someone will understand my Tagalog or not. I have tried starting to teach myself more Tagalog by using Youtube. But I have also come to the conclusion I need some formal lessons. When I first arrived I had decided against this, and for a time I think it was good to just be around the language and get used to the feel of the language, but now I can see that I need more than that. I discussed this with ate Red the other evening and we both agreed this is something that should happen. Turns out one of the residents is actually going to give me lessons for now, she is a fourth year college student and is incredible in English and Tagalog, both in writing, speaking and interpreting, and part of her degree includes teaching.
Spiritual growth
God has been so good, He is always good, but I have been overwhelmed with feeling the goodness lately. I am learning so much and have felt myself drawing closer to God during these last few months. He continues to provide for me, beyond what I imagined, and continues to lead. I am learning to trust in my instincts and not overthink everything, (I still have a long ways to go in that department), this is something that I have always struggled with, but I had an incident the other day which showed me that maybe I am beginning to learn to get over this. I was at the clinic in Tabuk and was doing a first time prenatal which sadly ended with the realization that the woman was not pregnant. before she left I got up and gave her hug. This is something I would usually overthink, specifically in Tabuk, I would usually start thinking if she would receive a hug, I would wonder if I had seen many Kalingans hug before, was it culturally appropriate? but instead of thinking all this I just acted, I think I surprised myself as much as anyone. It was as I was doing it and after I began to think all those things, I hope it was appropriate in hindsight. But something I have noticed in the last few years is that in the things that matter often my first instinct is the right one but I overthink it before I can act and then miss the opportunity.
Some other randoms
We are still working on the dance project. actually I can't remember if I mentioned before but another lady who helps out at Safe and myself are working on a project involving interpretive dance and plan to make it into a testimonial video. We had our third practice last Sunday, and its really coming along, hopefully soon we will be ready to complete the project and begin filming.
Baking, baking and more baking! We had our celebration for all the November birthday the other day, 5 birthdays means I was determined to make 5 birthday cakes. it all added up to about 5 hours of baking. but it was a lot of fun and totally worth it to see how it made everyone so happy. One of the things I love about the Filipino culture is if you make make 1 cake for 25 people, (something that would be received with shock in North America) it will be enough but if you make 5 cakes for 25 people there will be no problem in having them consumed. There was definitely some sugar rushing happening that night! Speaking of which the new oven/stove has arrived! it was received with loads of thankfulness! and I thank everyone who contributed to this wonderful gift, I know that this was a sacrifice for many people and I want you to know that it is being well used, and is works very well. The oven did a great job at baking all those cakes, and we can now fit more than one pot on the stove!!!
Noellle's first birthday at Safe, ( we celebrated right before i left for Kalinga) so I made sure to make a special cake for her...I splurged and bought whipping cream to put between the layers. when we sang happy birthday to her, she was holding back tears.
the arrival of the new stove/oven
Finding my place.
having tea with one of the girls at my place
This December
So far the only thing I have really done this December is sit in the clinic waiting for births, (in the clinic in Quazon) but I did get to go to a kids Christmas party here last night and that was fun. actually I have really been enjoying meeting the new people who are connected with the clinic and the ministry that Ate Eve (the Canadian midwife) and her family are involved with. When I return to Tagaytay, there will be more Christmas prep, I am hoping to have a day of baking with some of the girls, there will be some Christmas shopping and wrapping and lots of time together. I am really looking forward to that!
I am definitely missing my Canadian home a lot this time of year, especially as December rolls in, But I don't mind missing home, it allows me to reflect on family Christmases gone by which always bring fondness to my heart, the homesickness is always connected to love.
Chesa
Chesa is home at Safe! thank you everyone so much for your prayers, she is doing really well! she has had a few brief seizures, so she still needs prayer. The cause of her seizures is complicated and we believe its more than just medical, but her medication is keeping her stable right now. She has been very happy and keeping busy which she loves.
Prayer and thankfulness
Thankfulness
-That Chesa is back and doing well
-For God's provision
-For God'leading
-That I get to be here at the clinic (Daughters of Faith Lying in)
-That my relationships are continuing to build with the girls and for the love I have for them
Prayer
-For Chesa's continual healing
-Ate Red is still having problems with her nasal ways, she has not been able to go to a doctor yet
-That I will get to be involved with some births before I go back to Tagaytay
-One of our residents will be visiting some family over Christmas, so please pray for her safety
-Language
-Trust in God
Well that's all for this round folks! as always thank you so much for your support! (and bearing through this very long blog with lots of spelling and grammar mistakes)I will try and write again before all the holidays are over, and will let you know if there were any births while here at the clinic. Until then I hope you all have wonderful December and a Merry Christmas!
signing off,
thesheepishmidwife
