Another beginning

Hello All! and welcome to my blog if you haven't been here before

    So it has been a week now since I landed at Ninoy Airport in Manila Philippines.  The trip went well, I was glad I didn't get bad motion sickness (past experience) or food poisoning (another past experience) although I did manage to catch a cold before I left so I was battling that on the trip which limited my ability to read the books I brought along.  But I survived! and thanks to facebook messenger and the airport's free wifi I was able to find Ate Red (the leader of Safe Refuge, I call her Ate which means older sister, it is a term of respect)
          I then proceeded to the Safe Refuge site in Manila,  where I stayed for two days before traveling to Tagaytay where I will be spending most of my time.   I was welcomed so warmly by all the staff and residences, all of which remembered me from a year and half ago when Ellora and I visited for one week.  I stayed one night in Safe and then the next day moved into my rental house.  The staff had found a house for rent by the same land lady, it is right next door so I don't even have to go out on the street.  This could not be more perfect as it allows me to stay late at Safe Refuge with no danger when I walk home at night.

Right now my role is "Ate" meaning older sister, I am here to be a listening ear, do activities, play with the kids and learn Tagalog so I can communicate with the girls better.   The plan is that I will have a schedule soon.  I have started baking with the girls, which is a lot of fun! we have already made a batch of chocolate chip cookies and plan to make carrot cake cupcakes tomorrow.  At some point I am planning to do some interpretive dance classes, the other day I bought the cloth I plan to use, I just have to sew them together now.
                                               
                                              baking cookies after supper

                                                         
                                                     playing games with the kids at their lunch break

    I feel desperate for two things.  That I can be truly helpful, and beneficial to this ministry.   I do not want to be in the way but someone who can really help.  If it wasn't for the constant encouragement of the staff I would feel inadequate, and I will admit at times I feel I am but I know I can do all things through Christ.   I also am desperate to learn Tagalog, I have discovered that it is harder than Illocano (one of the main languages spoken in Kalinga) and I wonder now how I ever complained about trying to learn it when I was in Tabuk.  I am not naturally good at languages and I remember how I got to a point in my language learning in the past where I came to a standstill and I just sort of gave up.  I refuse to allow that to happen this time  I think everyday I learn something new, and I  know that's the important thing.  If I could remember every word that someone tells me I would be speaking so much more, but I feel I only absorb 10-25% of what I am told.  I am not attending any courses, there are two reasons for this, one; it is an extra expense and two, I am not convinced it has really helped in the past.  I have observed from my history that when I do manage to learn a language it is by immersing myself in the language as much as possible and making myself speak it.  I am given hope by my  memory of Spain.  When I was there for a three month mission trip we had weekly Spanish lessons  and I felt I would never learn to speak it.  But I was surrounded by people who helped me with vocabulary and spoke Spanish to me, I was also forced to speak it as much as possible even if it was only a few words as very few people spoke a lot of English there.  I spent weeks desperate to learn the language and yet it seemed I was getting nowhere, and then about 8-10 weeks in, something switched and I was able to to have brief short conversations with people.  I was shocked and so excited!  My hope and prayer is that Tagalog will be like that, although it feels like a much harder language than Spanish.  Fortunately my previous experience with Illocano helps me as some of the words are the same but I often open my mouth to speak Tagalog and I can only think of the Illocano word.  But I do think all things considered I am doing ok I am just impatient.

Ok moving on from my language rant...(I feel that most missionaries, unless they have the gift of languages.....trying so hard not to be jealous of that gift...)

I have been able to start building relationships with the girls, which is really exciting, and I hope I can be a good Ate to them.  I listen to them when they tell me about their life stories, play with kids, laugh with them learn with them, and when language gets in the way I remember I can embrace and pray for them.  Its still early days and I pray with all my heart that these relationships will grow and with God I can find a way to help them on their journey.  I can do nothing without God, I am simply a vessel.

It still feels so surreal that this is my new life, when I landed in Manila and as I was driving in our grab taxi it didn't feel foreign, at least not what I was seeing; the houses, streets, people, even the driving style... it all felt familiar, almost like I was coming home.  What did feel different was what I was about to do, something quite different than last time, and I didn't have Ellora or one of the other students sitting besidewith me this time round, I am so used to having long conversations with her about culture, struggles and achievements or even what we should buy when we go to the stores.  There have been a several times where I have thought, Ellora would know what to do, or I wonder what Ellora would think of this?  But I know I am surrounded by good people, Ate Red is always making sure I am ok, and I am really feeling like I am part of the Safe family.

I am hoping that soon I will be able to be put in contact with a birthing center whom I can volunteer with.  The hope is that I will be able to spend some time at a birthing centre every 6 weeks or something like that.   I am also hoping I will be able to visit Kalinga in the next little while.  I have a friend whom is getting married and I am hoping I can go to the wedding.  I am looking forward to seeing that province again and her people.

It feels so strange to not be doing either ranch work, Midwife work or studying.  one of the things I was looking forward to when I came here was being able to sleep in a little bit and not having to wake up early to move sprinklers or feed sheep, but I am so used to the hustle and bustle of ranch life that I feel so strange not being physically busy, I know I will get busier as time goes on, and its not like there is not activity going, its just a different kind of activity and much more flexible than I am used to.   When I start to worry about whether I will ever be able to find a routine and get familiar with my role here at Safe, I remember how I felt when I started in the birthing room back in Tabuk.  I remember how awkward I felt, not sure where to stand, what to say, how much or how little I should be doing, where or what all the equipment was for.  I once asked one of the higher up students how long it took her to feel comfortable in the clinic, she indicated it had taken awhile told me it had taken her y.  I think it took me about a year and half to where I felt completely at ease.  I would very much like it to not take that long this time but it does encourage me that there will come a time when my days will flow with more ease and I will find the heart beat of this chapter in my life.   I have never been one that really liked change, I found it exciting but I have always liked my comfort zone, but God has way of taking me out of our  comfort zone, over, and over again.  I am losing count of how many times God has taken me through things that are uncomfortable.  Every time I am pushed a little further.  If I had tried to do what I am doing five years ago I do not think I would have been able to handle it but God has been slowly training me and continues to do so for each new experience.

A That's so Vienna Story
I am going to end with a typical "thats so Vienna" story.  I had gone out with one of the girls to do a few things, and I decided to stay longer at one of the malls to use the internet at Starbucks, my friend went back ahead of me and gave me instructions on how to get back.  It seemed simple enough, and an average person would not have been nervous, but I do know that I have history of missing stops and getting myself turned around.  But I was determined I could do it.  So I went to starbucks, excited for a good black coffee and a tasty cinnamon bun.  However to my great dismay.... they didn't have internet due to renovating, disappointed but determined to enjoy my coffee anyway I decided I would just read my novel, though I felt guilty the whole time that i wasn't doing anything productive.   I finished my coffee and went back to one of the stores, ( I bought two more things in the grocery store that I forgot to get earlier) and headed to where I could flag down a jeepney, I called Ate Mercy (the manager of the Taygaytay Safe site) just to make sure I had the right instructions.  I got on the correct jeepney, of this I was sure.  Now, I was a little concerned about where to stop as I have a hard time recognizing locations if I am coming at them from a different angle, which is what I was doing, but my stop was a major one and I assumed the the driver would announce it.   But either he didn't or I was too lost in my thoughts to have noticed, because all the sudden I thought... "did I miss my stop..?" but surely I hadn't...it was just taking longer because traffic was so bad.  but then it was really taking a long time and nothing looked familiar, but I continued to be in denial.  And I knew that this was the right jeep because it had had my stop written on it, so I figured if I had missed my stop then it will eventually circle around....
Finally about 30 minutes in, a lady on the jeep looked at me and asked about my stop, I told her and she exclaimed "Oh! its too far!!"
and I asked "did I pass it already" she made a reply indicating I had and frantically got the driver to stop and told me I could get off and get on a jeep going the other way.  I got off, crossed the stree and fortunately I found a jeep right away going the opposite direction with my stop written on it.  The driver confirmed he was going there and this time I sat right behind him and watched carefully, thinking of all the landmarks that I knew.  Ate Mercy called me then, by this time she was getting worried and I explained the situation.  Finally I got off at the right stop and made it back to Safe.  It was an hour of traveling where it should have only taken me about 15 minutes.  It makes a good story now!

Alright, so on to the prayer requests I guess I have sort of covered them already, but first thankfulness
-The I got a house so close to safe and the rent and utilities is much less than I budgeted for
-For the encouragement I have received
-For Every new word in Tagalog that I learn

Requests
-Language!!!!
-Finding my role, getting the routine
-Building strong relationships
-Boldness in this new uncomfortable zone
-The ability to help and support the staff and residence as much as is humanly possible
-That I will be able to intern with a birthing clinc
-For my visa process, which I will be starting very soon
-For all the residences here, specifically for one lady (pen name, Chesa) who is struggling with things in her mind, that her struggles will be replaced with peace

Well that ends this post, talk to you all in a few weeks!
May God Bless and keep you
signing off
thesheepishmidwife