Settling in

Greetings from Tagaytay!
I can't believe its been 6 weeks already since I've arrived! its true that the older you get the faster time goes...

the last six weeks have been interesting, challenging, frustrating, but also really good :) I feel more mentally exhausted than anything, which I think mostly has to do with the adjustment to a new life.  I have titled this blog settling in, and I do feel myself settling, I feel more at home in my little house and more comfortable in Safe. But I  have a feeling it will still take many months to feel completely at home and settled.   When I lived in Tabuk, I remember the 1.5 year was significant, I started to really feel like Kalinga was home at that point, when I came back to Canada, it was about a year and half (right before I left) that I felt settled back in Canada.  So its possible it will take that long for me to truly feel settled again.  Though I can feel myself adjusting to some things faster than before, for example the food.  The other day I was still hungry after supper and so I started eating the leftover rice with soya sauce, salt and oil, I impressed the girls so much by how Filipino I was that one of the leaders snapped a picture.  Although I admit I have had many days I crave Canadian food so much it makes me want to cry, but fortunately I live in a place where its really easy to satisfy that craving, and I can feel my body adjusted more each day to the new diet.  I am settling into living on my own much easier than I expected, i thought it would feel weird and I would get freaked out at night, but I totally love it! I think having my own place plays a big role in keeping me going.  And I feel so safe.  I am just a few feet from my land lady's house, whom is a very sweet lady, and the gates are tall and secure.  I think I only really had one night early on where the wind played tricks on me and I was really nervous, but I also think I was having a spiritual attack that night   Because I am at Safe so much I really enjoy the solitude in the evenings and mornings, although I don't have complete solitude right now, but I'll get to that, for now lets update you on the important stuff.

Safe Refuge
I think I am settling into my role as "Ate" (older sister), I have been able to do things like going to the local oval to jog with the girls. 
                                           
                                              Fun Run with elementary school, I went as one of the guardians

I have continued to have weekly baking socials with the girls, in addition to making a few birthday cakes a few weeks ago I helped Maggie, one of the high school students, and her classmate make an edible animal cell, using home baked brownies and icing, and using various candies for the different parts of the cell.  This baking has been a lot of fun, not cheap, but a lot of fun, different people help bake each time, the other week I ended up with 6 people helping me make peanut butter cookies... at one point I had the youngest literally stirring the flour, just to keep her occupied.  The cookies were delicious!!
This was one of the first things I thought of doing when I started making plans to come to Safe, but I think I underestimated the effect.  Every time I bake something, it feels like I am presenting the crown jewels, everyone gets a little giddy, they are always super thankful and eager to contribute.    I have to really thank my supporters here, as the only way I can afford to bake this much is because of your financial support and the prayer that keeps that support coming as needed.

                                                     Decorating chocolate cupcakes

I helped one of the girls and her classmate make an edible animal cell.  they got second place!

I have continued to help with homework, from writing addition problems out for the younger kids to helping one of the college students comprehend an English teaching on human behavior in decision making and helping with a research paper (twice as the first time around in somehow got deleted)   I find myself learning a lot! I also have an increased appreciation for my mother who didn't just spend an hour or two with us every day, but committed her whole day to our homeschooling.

I have checked several blood pressures, given advice for high or low readings.  I have even taught some of the girls how to take blood pressures.   I have also distributed essential oils for different ailments.  (never thought I would be the essential oil type)

One day, one of the former residences asked if I could paint her a painting for her house, I helped her finish one she started and painted another one of an alpine scene,  I found out later that she is actually a very good painter, ( probably better than me) but refuses to admit it, but we had fun painting together that afternoon.

I have had some good prayer time; the other week, we were having an incredible worship time and I was able to speak into one girls life.

I cooked and organized a Canadian Thanksgiving on the 11th.  on the menu: 2 chickens, stuffing, sweet potatoes, fried in butter and sugar, mashed potatoes, green beans, fried with onions, garlic and butter and of course we had pumpkin pie, which I made with squash as it was half the price of pumpkin.  Oh and rice.  everybody helped, and in the end we fed 28 people including kids.  everything got eaten up, even the stuffing which I didn't think would be popular since its kind of a weird dish, I mean I never thought about what an odd dish it was until I started describing it to people... "its bread, with sausage...and onions...and apples, all mixed together, put inside a chicken so it gets all soggy..." weird right?!  I'm telling ya, Next time you look at a foreign food and think how weird it is and how you can't imagine eating it...just think of stuffing.  Anyway, I digress, the point is I was amazed that it was consumed so fast, I never even got a second helping:)  The kids even liked the pie, which I was surprised by as most kids hate pumpkin pie but I had made little pumpkin tarts and put thick cream on top, and most of them were convinced they were cup cakes (since tarts aren't a thing here) so they automatically loved them...because who doesn't love cup cakes!  It was also my mom's recipe which is the best pumpkin pie recipe ever!! Ok I'm going to stop talking about food now.
                                         
                                             stuffing the chicken with Maggie! turkey is pretty expensive here so we opted for two chickens instead

                                               we fed 28 people!

The story of PJ
So remember how I mentioned i didn't have complete solitude at my house?  Well here's the story
Several weeks ago one of the staff members children found a brand new kitten literally on the streets.  He casually asked me if I wanted a cat, to which I replied, although I would like one it was not very practical for me to own one.  Then he promptly produced this white and grey fluffy squealing kitten which I later found out was about a week old.  well...I wasn't sure what to do, I had to decide whether to let him die or take him in,  Although I am an animal lover I am not an extreme animal lover which meaning I had the potential to let the creature pass into kitten heaven on his own, but as I held him crying in the palm of my hand  I couldn't quite do it... I had actually thought about the idea of taking in a cat or puppy while I am here but had decided against it as quickly as it came to mind.   But here was this little kitten looking at me, and he was hungry and sad, so I said I would feed him, I happened to have some powdered milk on hand, we found a lid and the staff member even found a dropper lying around, so I fed him, then I said I would keep him for the night, and then it was two nights, and then I took him to the vet to get him checked over, and asked if they knew of anyone who wanted a kitten or if there was a shelter somewhere, there wasn't.  Anyway, he is still with me.  I decided to name him PJ Perry after a kitten my aunt and uncle had, whom sadly got eaten by one of our dogs.  This might sound crazy, but I feel that God may have sent me PJ, I don't know for how long, but for now he has been a fun companion, and has actually contributed to the ministry, more than once I have had of the girls over and they are content to sit and play with him and then we visit.   The kids also love him as one can imagine....

The struggles

Some days are still really hard, I feel frustrated and useless but other days I feel like a missionary.  God has been teaching me lots, I have caught myself saying very often to myself "I just need to make a difference"  but God has been showing me that  I need to omit the "I" in that sentence, because its not about me making a difference, its about me being a vessel,  God is the one that makes the difference.  I then find that when I omit the "I" it gets harder to complain I can't say things like "I can't to this" or "I am never going to learn to this language" I end up just putting it before God and sai "okay You sent me here so help to follow."


I think the most interesting and challenging part about this period of my life is that it is less clear and direct than any other of my life chapters.  Everything I did from when I was 15 was to work towards  going to midwife school in the Philippines.  This time around, although I have a vague idea of a my calling, things are not as straightforward, and I believe that this is God's plan, He doesn't want me to see everything.  All He seems to be asking me is to just follow his steps one by one.  Any time I start to feel panicked about the lack of direction and plan in my life I sense His voice telling me to just trust Him and be where he has put me.  My guide is still the story of Peter walking on water.  As long as I keep my eyes on Jesus and not the waves I will be okay.
                               

Odds and Ends
I will be traveling tomorrow.  One of my friends there is getting married in Bugnay, and I am going to be one of her sponsors, (a position that they have here in the Philippines at weddings)  I am both excited and nervous.   Excited because I have missed Kalinga for so long, but also nervous, as I know things will be different and will feel different.  I also am so used to traveling and going  to events with Ellora so its going to feel different going to Kalinga solo.

Good news on the Midwife front, I think I have found a birthing home where I can volunteer at.  They are in Manila and are short staffed so could use an extra midwife.  I plan to meet with the director when I come back from Kalinga so am hoping that will go well.

The language...is well...I guess its more than it was a few weeks ago, but I still wish I was moving faster in my learning.  Sometimes I try and focus so hard on what people are saying, thinking that maybe if I focus enough the meaning of the words will magically appear in my head.  But I suppose languages were not learned in a day, unless it was in the day of the Tower of Babel.  The kids really are my best teachers as they make me speak the language, as well as one of the other residents who speaks about as much or less English as I do Tagalog.

The other week I started a campaign to raise money for a new stove/oven for safe, their current stove can only maintain one element at a time, which means only one thing can be cooked at a time.  It has a very small oven which tends to go out if you close the oven door to fast, the lighter is gone on it and it is starting to develop rust.  Anyway we almost have all the money raised! this is very exciting and both the staff and myself are amazed at the people who were willing to sacrifice and give a portion to this project.  In the next few days I and the staff will start the process of finding a suitable stove/oven.

Well,  I think I have gone on long enough I will move onto to prayer thankfulness and prayer requests

Thankfulness:
-Chesa is doing much better, she is still in Home care in Manila and hasn't had any seizures in a long time
-Relationships are building
-Getting an idea of my purpose
-God's provision
-The funds raised for the stove/oven

Prayer
-Language
-Continue to pray for Chesa
-School and assignments for the girls
-Ate Red's allergies, this might seem odd, but Ate Red has been having horrible allergies since returning from an IJM conference in the US, it has been making her very tired and hard of breathing when it gets really bad
-For the trip to Kalinga
-For Trust in God

I want to again thank all of my supporters, I have continued to feel overwhelmed with your support, this would not be possible without any of you.  I truly cannot  find words to thank you for all your prayers, encouragement and finances. 

Until Next time!
thesheepishmidwife

P.S. I am so sorry for all the spelling and typos I am sure this post has, I have gotten behind in my preparations for Kalinga and since I leave tomorrow I am in a terrible flurry.