Settling in

Greetings from Tagaytay!
I can't believe its been 6 weeks already since I've arrived! its true that the older you get the faster time goes...

the last six weeks have been interesting, challenging, frustrating, but also really good :) I feel more mentally exhausted than anything, which I think mostly has to do with the adjustment to a new life.  I have titled this blog settling in, and I do feel myself settling, I feel more at home in my little house and more comfortable in Safe. But I  have a feeling it will still take many months to feel completely at home and settled.   When I lived in Tabuk, I remember the 1.5 year was significant, I started to really feel like Kalinga was home at that point, when I came back to Canada, it was about a year and half (right before I left) that I felt settled back in Canada.  So its possible it will take that long for me to truly feel settled again.  Though I can feel myself adjusting to some things faster than before, for example the food.  The other day I was still hungry after supper and so I started eating the leftover rice with soya sauce, salt and oil, I impressed the girls so much by how Filipino I was that one of the leaders snapped a picture.  Although I admit I have had many days I crave Canadian food so much it makes me want to cry, but fortunately I live in a place where its really easy to satisfy that craving, and I can feel my body adjusted more each day to the new diet.  I am settling into living on my own much easier than I expected, i thought it would feel weird and I would get freaked out at night, but I totally love it! I think having my own place plays a big role in keeping me going.  And I feel so safe.  I am just a few feet from my land lady's house, whom is a very sweet lady, and the gates are tall and secure.  I think I only really had one night early on where the wind played tricks on me and I was really nervous, but I also think I was having a spiritual attack that night   Because I am at Safe so much I really enjoy the solitude in the evenings and mornings, although I don't have complete solitude right now, but I'll get to that, for now lets update you on the important stuff.

Safe Refuge
I think I am settling into my role as "Ate" (older sister), I have been able to do things like going to the local oval to jog with the girls. 
                                           
                                              Fun Run with elementary school, I went as one of the guardians

I have continued to have weekly baking socials with the girls, in addition to making a few birthday cakes a few weeks ago I helped Maggie, one of the high school students, and her classmate make an edible animal cell, using home baked brownies and icing, and using various candies for the different parts of the cell.  This baking has been a lot of fun, not cheap, but a lot of fun, different people help bake each time, the other week I ended up with 6 people helping me make peanut butter cookies... at one point I had the youngest literally stirring the flour, just to keep her occupied.  The cookies were delicious!!
This was one of the first things I thought of doing when I started making plans to come to Safe, but I think I underestimated the effect.  Every time I bake something, it feels like I am presenting the crown jewels, everyone gets a little giddy, they are always super thankful and eager to contribute.    I have to really thank my supporters here, as the only way I can afford to bake this much is because of your financial support and the prayer that keeps that support coming as needed.

                                                     Decorating chocolate cupcakes

I helped one of the girls and her classmate make an edible animal cell.  they got second place!

I have continued to help with homework, from writing addition problems out for the younger kids to helping one of the college students comprehend an English teaching on human behavior in decision making and helping with a research paper (twice as the first time around in somehow got deleted)   I find myself learning a lot! I also have an increased appreciation for my mother who didn't just spend an hour or two with us every day, but committed her whole day to our homeschooling.

I have checked several blood pressures, given advice for high or low readings.  I have even taught some of the girls how to take blood pressures.   I have also distributed essential oils for different ailments.  (never thought I would be the essential oil type)

One day, one of the former residences asked if I could paint her a painting for her house, I helped her finish one she started and painted another one of an alpine scene,  I found out later that she is actually a very good painter, ( probably better than me) but refuses to admit it, but we had fun painting together that afternoon.

I have had some good prayer time; the other week, we were having an incredible worship time and I was able to speak into one girls life.

I cooked and organized a Canadian Thanksgiving on the 11th.  on the menu: 2 chickens, stuffing, sweet potatoes, fried in butter and sugar, mashed potatoes, green beans, fried with onions, garlic and butter and of course we had pumpkin pie, which I made with squash as it was half the price of pumpkin.  Oh and rice.  everybody helped, and in the end we fed 28 people including kids.  everything got eaten up, even the stuffing which I didn't think would be popular since its kind of a weird dish, I mean I never thought about what an odd dish it was until I started describing it to people... "its bread, with sausage...and onions...and apples, all mixed together, put inside a chicken so it gets all soggy..." weird right?!  I'm telling ya, Next time you look at a foreign food and think how weird it is and how you can't imagine eating it...just think of stuffing.  Anyway, I digress, the point is I was amazed that it was consumed so fast, I never even got a second helping:)  The kids even liked the pie, which I was surprised by as most kids hate pumpkin pie but I had made little pumpkin tarts and put thick cream on top, and most of them were convinced they were cup cakes (since tarts aren't a thing here) so they automatically loved them...because who doesn't love cup cakes!  It was also my mom's recipe which is the best pumpkin pie recipe ever!! Ok I'm going to stop talking about food now.
                                         
                                             stuffing the chicken with Maggie! turkey is pretty expensive here so we opted for two chickens instead

                                               we fed 28 people!

The story of PJ
So remember how I mentioned i didn't have complete solitude at my house?  Well here's the story
Several weeks ago one of the staff members children found a brand new kitten literally on the streets.  He casually asked me if I wanted a cat, to which I replied, although I would like one it was not very practical for me to own one.  Then he promptly produced this white and grey fluffy squealing kitten which I later found out was about a week old.  well...I wasn't sure what to do, I had to decide whether to let him die or take him in,  Although I am an animal lover I am not an extreme animal lover which meaning I had the potential to let the creature pass into kitten heaven on his own, but as I held him crying in the palm of my hand  I couldn't quite do it... I had actually thought about the idea of taking in a cat or puppy while I am here but had decided against it as quickly as it came to mind.   But here was this little kitten looking at me, and he was hungry and sad, so I said I would feed him, I happened to have some powdered milk on hand, we found a lid and the staff member even found a dropper lying around, so I fed him, then I said I would keep him for the night, and then it was two nights, and then I took him to the vet to get him checked over, and asked if they knew of anyone who wanted a kitten or if there was a shelter somewhere, there wasn't.  Anyway, he is still with me.  I decided to name him PJ Perry after a kitten my aunt and uncle had, whom sadly got eaten by one of our dogs.  This might sound crazy, but I feel that God may have sent me PJ, I don't know for how long, but for now he has been a fun companion, and has actually contributed to the ministry, more than once I have had of the girls over and they are content to sit and play with him and then we visit.   The kids also love him as one can imagine....

The struggles

Some days are still really hard, I feel frustrated and useless but other days I feel like a missionary.  God has been teaching me lots, I have caught myself saying very often to myself "I just need to make a difference"  but God has been showing me that  I need to omit the "I" in that sentence, because its not about me making a difference, its about me being a vessel,  God is the one that makes the difference.  I then find that when I omit the "I" it gets harder to complain I can't say things like "I can't to this" or "I am never going to learn to this language" I end up just putting it before God and sai "okay You sent me here so help to follow."


I think the most interesting and challenging part about this period of my life is that it is less clear and direct than any other of my life chapters.  Everything I did from when I was 15 was to work towards  going to midwife school in the Philippines.  This time around, although I have a vague idea of a my calling, things are not as straightforward, and I believe that this is God's plan, He doesn't want me to see everything.  All He seems to be asking me is to just follow his steps one by one.  Any time I start to feel panicked about the lack of direction and plan in my life I sense His voice telling me to just trust Him and be where he has put me.  My guide is still the story of Peter walking on water.  As long as I keep my eyes on Jesus and not the waves I will be okay.
                               

Odds and Ends
I will be traveling tomorrow.  One of my friends there is getting married in Bugnay, and I am going to be one of her sponsors, (a position that they have here in the Philippines at weddings)  I am both excited and nervous.   Excited because I have missed Kalinga for so long, but also nervous, as I know things will be different and will feel different.  I also am so used to traveling and going  to events with Ellora so its going to feel different going to Kalinga solo.

Good news on the Midwife front, I think I have found a birthing home where I can volunteer at.  They are in Manila and are short staffed so could use an extra midwife.  I plan to meet with the director when I come back from Kalinga so am hoping that will go well.

The language...is well...I guess its more than it was a few weeks ago, but I still wish I was moving faster in my learning.  Sometimes I try and focus so hard on what people are saying, thinking that maybe if I focus enough the meaning of the words will magically appear in my head.  But I suppose languages were not learned in a day, unless it was in the day of the Tower of Babel.  The kids really are my best teachers as they make me speak the language, as well as one of the other residents who speaks about as much or less English as I do Tagalog.

The other week I started a campaign to raise money for a new stove/oven for safe, their current stove can only maintain one element at a time, which means only one thing can be cooked at a time.  It has a very small oven which tends to go out if you close the oven door to fast, the lighter is gone on it and it is starting to develop rust.  Anyway we almost have all the money raised! this is very exciting and both the staff and myself are amazed at the people who were willing to sacrifice and give a portion to this project.  In the next few days I and the staff will start the process of finding a suitable stove/oven.

Well,  I think I have gone on long enough I will move onto to prayer thankfulness and prayer requests

Thankfulness:
-Chesa is doing much better, she is still in Home care in Manila and hasn't had any seizures in a long time
-Relationships are building
-Getting an idea of my purpose
-God's provision
-The funds raised for the stove/oven

Prayer
-Language
-Continue to pray for Chesa
-School and assignments for the girls
-Ate Red's allergies, this might seem odd, but Ate Red has been having horrible allergies since returning from an IJM conference in the US, it has been making her very tired and hard of breathing when it gets really bad
-For the trip to Kalinga
-For Trust in God

I want to again thank all of my supporters, I have continued to feel overwhelmed with your support, this would not be possible without any of you.  I truly cannot  find words to thank you for all your prayers, encouragement and finances. 

Until Next time!
thesheepishmidwife

P.S. I am so sorry for all the spelling and typos I am sure this post has, I have gotten behind in my preparations for Kalinga and since I leave tomorrow I am in a terrible flurry.

Another beginning

Hello All! and welcome to my blog if you haven't been here before

    So it has been a week now since I landed at Ninoy Airport in Manila Philippines.  The trip went well, I was glad I didn't get bad motion sickness (past experience) or food poisoning (another past experience) although I did manage to catch a cold before I left so I was battling that on the trip which limited my ability to read the books I brought along.  But I survived! and thanks to facebook messenger and the airport's free wifi I was able to find Ate Red (the leader of Safe Refuge, I call her Ate which means older sister, it is a term of respect)
          I then proceeded to the Safe Refuge site in Manila,  where I stayed for two days before traveling to Tagaytay where I will be spending most of my time.   I was welcomed so warmly by all the staff and residences, all of which remembered me from a year and half ago when Ellora and I visited for one week.  I stayed one night in Safe and then the next day moved into my rental house.  The staff had found a house for rent by the same land lady, it is right next door so I don't even have to go out on the street.  This could not be more perfect as it allows me to stay late at Safe Refuge with no danger when I walk home at night.

Right now my role is "Ate" meaning older sister, I am here to be a listening ear, do activities, play with the kids and learn Tagalog so I can communicate with the girls better.   The plan is that I will have a schedule soon.  I have started baking with the girls, which is a lot of fun! we have already made a batch of chocolate chip cookies and plan to make carrot cake cupcakes tomorrow.  At some point I am planning to do some interpretive dance classes, the other day I bought the cloth I plan to use, I just have to sew them together now.
                                               
                                              baking cookies after supper

                                                         
                                                     playing games with the kids at their lunch break

    I feel desperate for two things.  That I can be truly helpful, and beneficial to this ministry.   I do not want to be in the way but someone who can really help.  If it wasn't for the constant encouragement of the staff I would feel inadequate, and I will admit at times I feel I am but I know I can do all things through Christ.   I also am desperate to learn Tagalog, I have discovered that it is harder than Illocano (one of the main languages spoken in Kalinga) and I wonder now how I ever complained about trying to learn it when I was in Tabuk.  I am not naturally good at languages and I remember how I got to a point in my language learning in the past where I came to a standstill and I just sort of gave up.  I refuse to allow that to happen this time  I think everyday I learn something new, and I  know that's the important thing.  If I could remember every word that someone tells me I would be speaking so much more, but I feel I only absorb 10-25% of what I am told.  I am not attending any courses, there are two reasons for this, one; it is an extra expense and two, I am not convinced it has really helped in the past.  I have observed from my history that when I do manage to learn a language it is by immersing myself in the language as much as possible and making myself speak it.  I am given hope by my  memory of Spain.  When I was there for a three month mission trip we had weekly Spanish lessons  and I felt I would never learn to speak it.  But I was surrounded by people who helped me with vocabulary and spoke Spanish to me, I was also forced to speak it as much as possible even if it was only a few words as very few people spoke a lot of English there.  I spent weeks desperate to learn the language and yet it seemed I was getting nowhere, and then about 8-10 weeks in, something switched and I was able to to have brief short conversations with people.  I was shocked and so excited!  My hope and prayer is that Tagalog will be like that, although it feels like a much harder language than Spanish.  Fortunately my previous experience with Illocano helps me as some of the words are the same but I often open my mouth to speak Tagalog and I can only think of the Illocano word.  But I do think all things considered I am doing ok I am just impatient.

Ok moving on from my language rant...(I feel that most missionaries, unless they have the gift of languages.....trying so hard not to be jealous of that gift...)

I have been able to start building relationships with the girls, which is really exciting, and I hope I can be a good Ate to them.  I listen to them when they tell me about their life stories, play with kids, laugh with them learn with them, and when language gets in the way I remember I can embrace and pray for them.  Its still early days and I pray with all my heart that these relationships will grow and with God I can find a way to help them on their journey.  I can do nothing without God, I am simply a vessel.

It still feels so surreal that this is my new life, when I landed in Manila and as I was driving in our grab taxi it didn't feel foreign, at least not what I was seeing; the houses, streets, people, even the driving style... it all felt familiar, almost like I was coming home.  What did feel different was what I was about to do, something quite different than last time, and I didn't have Ellora or one of the other students sitting besidewith me this time round, I am so used to having long conversations with her about culture, struggles and achievements or even what we should buy when we go to the stores.  There have been a several times where I have thought, Ellora would know what to do, or I wonder what Ellora would think of this?  But I know I am surrounded by good people, Ate Red is always making sure I am ok, and I am really feeling like I am part of the Safe family.

I am hoping that soon I will be able to be put in contact with a birthing center whom I can volunteer with.  The hope is that I will be able to spend some time at a birthing centre every 6 weeks or something like that.   I am also hoping I will be able to visit Kalinga in the next little while.  I have a friend whom is getting married and I am hoping I can go to the wedding.  I am looking forward to seeing that province again and her people.

It feels so strange to not be doing either ranch work, Midwife work or studying.  one of the things I was looking forward to when I came here was being able to sleep in a little bit and not having to wake up early to move sprinklers or feed sheep, but I am so used to the hustle and bustle of ranch life that I feel so strange not being physically busy, I know I will get busier as time goes on, and its not like there is not activity going, its just a different kind of activity and much more flexible than I am used to.   When I start to worry about whether I will ever be able to find a routine and get familiar with my role here at Safe, I remember how I felt when I started in the birthing room back in Tabuk.  I remember how awkward I felt, not sure where to stand, what to say, how much or how little I should be doing, where or what all the equipment was for.  I once asked one of the higher up students how long it took her to feel comfortable in the clinic, she indicated it had taken awhile told me it had taken her y.  I think it took me about a year and half to where I felt completely at ease.  I would very much like it to not take that long this time but it does encourage me that there will come a time when my days will flow with more ease and I will find the heart beat of this chapter in my life.   I have never been one that really liked change, I found it exciting but I have always liked my comfort zone, but God has way of taking me out of our  comfort zone, over, and over again.  I am losing count of how many times God has taken me through things that are uncomfortable.  Every time I am pushed a little further.  If I had tried to do what I am doing five years ago I do not think I would have been able to handle it but God has been slowly training me and continues to do so for each new experience.

A That's so Vienna Story
I am going to end with a typical "thats so Vienna" story.  I had gone out with one of the girls to do a few things, and I decided to stay longer at one of the malls to use the internet at Starbucks, my friend went back ahead of me and gave me instructions on how to get back.  It seemed simple enough, and an average person would not have been nervous, but I do know that I have history of missing stops and getting myself turned around.  But I was determined I could do it.  So I went to starbucks, excited for a good black coffee and a tasty cinnamon bun.  However to my great dismay.... they didn't have internet due to renovating, disappointed but determined to enjoy my coffee anyway I decided I would just read my novel, though I felt guilty the whole time that i wasn't doing anything productive.   I finished my coffee and went back to one of the stores, ( I bought two more things in the grocery store that I forgot to get earlier) and headed to where I could flag down a jeepney, I called Ate Mercy (the manager of the Taygaytay Safe site) just to make sure I had the right instructions.  I got on the correct jeepney, of this I was sure.  Now, I was a little concerned about where to stop as I have a hard time recognizing locations if I am coming at them from a different angle, which is what I was doing, but my stop was a major one and I assumed the the driver would announce it.   But either he didn't or I was too lost in my thoughts to have noticed, because all the sudden I thought... "did I miss my stop..?" but surely I hadn't...it was just taking longer because traffic was so bad.  but then it was really taking a long time and nothing looked familiar, but I continued to be in denial.  And I knew that this was the right jeep because it had had my stop written on it, so I figured if I had missed my stop then it will eventually circle around....
Finally about 30 minutes in, a lady on the jeep looked at me and asked about my stop, I told her and she exclaimed "Oh! its too far!!"
and I asked "did I pass it already" she made a reply indicating I had and frantically got the driver to stop and told me I could get off and get on a jeep going the other way.  I got off, crossed the stree and fortunately I found a jeep right away going the opposite direction with my stop written on it.  The driver confirmed he was going there and this time I sat right behind him and watched carefully, thinking of all the landmarks that I knew.  Ate Mercy called me then, by this time she was getting worried and I explained the situation.  Finally I got off at the right stop and made it back to Safe.  It was an hour of traveling where it should have only taken me about 15 minutes.  It makes a good story now!

Alright, so on to the prayer requests I guess I have sort of covered them already, but first thankfulness
-The I got a house so close to safe and the rent and utilities is much less than I budgeted for
-For the encouragement I have received
-For Every new word in Tagalog that I learn

Requests
-Language!!!!
-Finding my role, getting the routine
-Building strong relationships
-Boldness in this new uncomfortable zone
-The ability to help and support the staff and residence as much as is humanly possible
-That I will be able to intern with a birthing clinc
-For my visa process, which I will be starting very soon
-For all the residences here, specifically for one lady (pen name, Chesa) who is struggling with things in her mind, that her struggles will be replaced with peace

Well that ends this post, talk to you all in a few weeks!
May God Bless and keep you
signing off
thesheepishmidwife

calm or crazy???!

Its June....its actually June...!!! which means I have ten weeks before I fly to the Philippines, I would like to say that I am totally calm inside that I have everything under control and things are flowing nice and smoothly....

But its me we are talking about... we are also talking about a massive move!!! which basically means there is a ton of things to do and organization is not one of my gifts.  For example..... take lists.  Many people have  suggested that I make a list.  This is a good idea... a very practical idea that all sorts of people use...and most people find it works really well.  I don't what it is with me and lists...I am not sure I have met anyone with the kind of aversion to lists that I have... I think its actually abnormal.  I avoid writing lists, and when I finally do, I rarely look at.  The other week I hunkered down and created my "Master List".  I wrote it, looked at it, then forgot it on the coffee table, eventually it made its way to my room, and now I don't even know where it is..... Why? I don't know... too overwhelming? don't know where to start?
Anyway the good news is, it finally hit my the other day that I had discovered a list style in Bible College that helped me organize my homework projects.  I put a list item on a sticky note, and stick these sticky notes on a piece of paper or some kind of board.  Then I arrange the sticky notes in order of priority.   Every day or even throughout  I can rearrange my list as needed.  It has been working so well last week that it has given me some aid in reducing stress levels.

Unfortunately there are some things on the list I am struggling to actually get done.  This month has been set aside as "Minimize life, month" or "Exodus of possession".  Basically it means I have to start getting rid of stuff.  My goal is get all my personal things down to the two suite cases I will take with to the Philippines and the hope chest that will stay back in Canada.   That means....I have to get rid of a LOT of stuff.  probably three quarters of things that have been accumulating over the years.  too much stuff! its not even like I can blame someone else for my collection of things, I have alway had a hard time throwing things away.   So I went into my room a few days ago to start the process.  I thought I would start with my closet, where my dressy things live.  I just stood there, with an orange garbage beg in my hand and stared at the dresses, skirts and scarves, some so old I've had since I was 12 and others reverently given to me.  Every time I reached for an item to put it in he beg, I kept finding an excuse, "This one is too old to give away but not damaged enough to toss"  "This one was a gift from someone" "This one is ugly but its one of my favorite lounging dresses" about 60 seconds of this I dropped the beg and went back upstairs, feeling overwhelmed and maybe a little pathetic.  More recently I did manage to tackle two boxes, boy, that's an emotional ordeal.... going through old mementos and pictures....  some things I have hung onto over the years really is junk and I could not for the life of me figure out why I kept it... things like erasers....I mean really? other things were an obvious keep, such as my Grandpa's painting box he handed down to me, my college year book (boy that can get the water works going, looking at good times gone by) and pictures of my siblings and I.  But then there is a whole pile of "I don't know's" for example, "should I pack some of my paints? probably not but I don't want to toss them, but then who is going to want cheap paint?"  What do you do with old Cassatt tapes?"  "I can't just throw out ten make up brushes can I?" and "I totally forgot about this red purse!! but I probably shouldn't pack three purses!" okay you get the gist, basically what I need is for someone to come in make an executive decision about what stays and what goes and doesn't tell me what they got rid of, cause chances are I will never know the difference!!

So I still have a long road ahead in regards to organizing my life.  But some things are flowing.   I have visited several churches and I think it is going really well and I have been getting a little a lot of encouragement from church members.  It has amazed me to see how God is opening doors for me  last few months.  6 weeks ago I was getting nervous about finances, There were some concerned looks coming from fellow Christians about the fact that I had no one saying they were give to the mission.  But as I prayed about it, the result was always a feeling of complete peace and knowing that God is in control, I truly understand the phrase "Peace that passes Understanding" because I am surprised at how calm I have been in that regard, It is not at all normal for me to feel peace about a lack of finances.   The only time I start begin to panic is when I start thinking about how odd it is that I am not panicking and seeing other people's worried expressions.  My name for this:  The Walking on Water Effect.  When your eyes are on Jesus, walking on water is just another day out at sea, but once your eyes look down at what you are actually doing you start realizing how crazy this is, you start panicking.... and....splash!! So I know that in order to do this I have to keep my eyes on my Savior.  Now what is exciting is that these last few weeks people and churches have come forward to say that they wish to support me both prayfully and financially.  I have felt very humbled and grateful by this, and I give all glory to God.  I can feel God guiding me through this fundraising process; He is the caption, I am in the vessel, I would go nowhere without Him.   People have been asking me if I have enough finances, and the simple answer is... I don't really know, but I'm not that worried.  I am not doing pledges for finances, I don't feel called to go the route.  I do feel called to go in Faith and allow God to lead.  I believe I will get exactly what God wants me to have.   Now before you start thinking that I am completely dauntless in my Faith, I am not.  yes I am not consumed with worry about my finances but I have moments, moments where I look down at the water under my feet, and I start doubting, freaking out and thinking that maybe I should not have left the safety of my boat.  Thankfully Jesus is always there to catch when I fall and its easy to find his gaze again.

I got back from Prince Georgia the other day where I visited a church, I felt very encouraged while there and got to meet a missionary couple who have been in the ministry for over 30 years! there story is amazing and I found it to be very inspirational.  They were very encouraging and I found it gave me strength.

I have about four more churches to visit, two of them in Calgary, and a few more locally.  I love visiting both, it has been so incredible to speak at the local churches as I am so passionate about connection my community with this ministry of rescuing and nurturing women in the Philippines.  I also love meeting with churches further from Vavenby, I get to meet new people as well as strengthen old connections.

In other news.  I am working on the ranch this summer....about 30 hours a week.  Mostly it consists of moving sprinkler pipes.  which is something I honestly wondered if I would ever have the ability to do all on my own, since it requires a good deal of physical strength and over the years I was never able to move sprinklers with grace that my brothers seemed to posses however I feel that I can successfully say that I have conquered the pipes!! maybe not as fast as some of my brothers but have only been doing it for a dew weeks.  I feel very proud of the fact that I am the first girl in Aveley Ranch History to be doing the majority of the sprinkler moving!  But the best part is that it is giving me such a good work out that I have been eating like a pig but fitting better into my jeans!  I mean anything that will allow me to eat a little more pie... am I right?
and I digress....

Anyhow that pretty much sums up my update.... hope you are not all asleep at your computers....or mobiles.... actually you have probably just moved onto Facebook or Instagram, No judgment! I am the worst blog reader in the world!! 
To sum up, my goal right now is to add calm to the crazy in all the preparation.  either way my flight leaves in ten weeks eeek!!!

My big prayers request right now, is immigration visas! there is still so much to figure out in regards to applying for the missionary visa and I am waiting to hear back from someone.  honestly that is the most stressful item on my list.
Meanwhile there is plenty to keep me busy :)
I should say that all though this is a very overwhelming time I really am excited.  I am dreading saying goodby to my family but also look forward to being in the Philippines again and starting this new kind of work.
and on that note I shall sign off, thank you all for taking the time to read, remember that if you have any questions or want to partner with me on this journey don't hesitate to contact me!

I will leave with a photo I took the other day while doing sprinklers

The sheepishmidwife

P.S. does anyone need some old cheap acrylic paint.... ??

Third times a charm

This is the third attempt at updating my blog in the last few months. (hence the title of this blog post) I tend to start them and never finish, and then all the information is oudated, but this time I am determined to finish within 36 hours...maybe 48...depends on how the proof reading goes


Anyway....things are moving forward as far as returning to the Philippines though I feel they should be moving faster...  I am suddenly struck with how little time I have left.  My plane ticket is booked for September 2cnd, so that made everything seem very final.   I have started to raise support at different churches, so far I have made contact with three including my sending church Vavenby Christian Church (VCC).   It has been a bit daunting I admit but each visit and presentation has gone very well, and often better than I expected.  I shared at VCC just this last Sunday, this was the most meaningful presentation as it is my home church and Christian family.  The result was quite extraordinary, a good portion of the little congregation was in tears or teary, I think the only reason I wasn't was because I had practiced what I wanted to say several times.  I have been feeling guilty this last year about leaving the community of Vavenby to minsiter somewhere else, but this last Sunday I felt released.  But as I said in my talk I am not leaving Vavenby I am going with them to another part of the world, and when I say I feel that I am being released, its not from the VCC fellowship because I feel that I will always be apart of that church; but rather released to go as an extension of Vavenby Christan C. in another country.

The next six week are jam packed with visiting churches, both local and some further away.  There is still some unknowns about finances but I can feel God's hand in that department and have found that (at least 70% of the time) I am not as worried about it as I thought.  If it truly is God's will that I go than I know he will provide just like He always has. So that's the update for the Philippine Mission, at least in a nutshell.

Meanwhile, I am so enjoying the beautiful Spring whether, Although I loved the long winter it was also very long and I was beginning to wonder if I would see anything but snow and ice again.  But the Spring warmth has melted the white away and now there are colours of golds and greens.  The creeks are running again and the song birds wake us with their morning performances once more.  It feels good to be alive and I am reminded how much I love this little courner of the world.  Especially this time of year, lambing season.  We are at the tail end of it now with only 36 left lamb (we have 617 ewes) the busyness is one of the reasons I have not been able to blog until now, I still feel tired from the months toil but it is a good kind of tired.  Although I am very much looking forward to being able to sleep in until 8 AM one of these mornings, though that probably won't happen until next week when my parents and I head to Calgary.

                                              a long and beautiful winter...

                                                      and Spring wakes up....

This will be the second trip to Calgary this year,  April (my older sister) and I went to Calgary at the end of March.  We visited our grandparents, cousins, friends and aunts/uncles.  I also spoke at a church and met with a mission board of another, it was a busy 5 days but also a lot of fun.  I drove my little car (my younger brother Isaac and I share a car) all the way to Canmore and felt pretty good.  As pathetic as it sounds I actually have never driven that far before, as I am almost alwasy a passenger.  I even drove in Calgary which is a big deal for me as I am not a city driver due to the fact that I have had little experience.  April had only ever driven in Kamloops so it was a stretch for us both.  Honestly I was almost surprised when we returned from our trip with no accidents not even any real close calls! Although we we joked that we needed signs that said "Sorry, we're from the country" and "Thank you for understanding" 

So I leave for another week to Calgary which I am looking forward to.  One of the reasons being I don't have to get up early to feed lambs and sheep, not that I don't like doing that but its still nice to have a break after doing it constantly all month with no day off.   It was worth it though, even though lambing tests the endurance of all family members involved it really is a wonderful time of year and it was a lot of fun, right now I can hear lambs calling for their mothers in the background.  Tis a very comforting sound; one I never tire of.

I am looking forward to the summer ahead of me, I feel stressed about it as far as all the things I need to prepare for the journey that awaits me in September.  But the other day I was at one of the creeks that flow through our land, I was listening to the soothing sound of bubbling water, could feel the warmth of the sun and smell the earth and ever green trees and decided right there I was going to enjoy every minute of this Spring and Summer and savor each day.   Because there is just no other place like Aveley Ranch, this land has a way of soothing the soul,  its something I miss dreadfully when I am not here.  One of the things about going away is that you see your homeland with fresh eyes and you learn to enjoy the little things that you took for granted before. 
well I suppose that's enough babbling for now...

I want to quickly cover some housekeeping before I sign off,
for anyone who wants to donate or support financially I just wanted to give you the different options to do so.
You can give through my Paypall account which you can get to here on the right side of the blog.
However the best way is probably to write a cheque for the Philippine Mission to Vavenby Christian church,  if you go this route you will be able to get a charitable receipt.  Just remember to be sure to make the cheque out to the Philippine Mission and not Vienna Moilliet, as I am a missionary for the Philippine Mission which is the Mission for VCC.  If you wish to give through an e-transfer to the church that can also be done, through vavenbyccbusiness@gmail.com
I will leave you with one last picture of lambing....

Until next time....
thesheepishmidwife

A look back at 2017 and a Calling confirmed

Greetings in 2018

Well another new years has come and gone and enter 2018! Last year I remember welcoming 2017 in with Anie in her home village.  We watched the fireworks from her front porch
(after admittedly taking a nap between 9 and 11:30) and I was filled with a sentimental feeling for the coming year, sort of in awe of the coming changes it would bring;  Moving back to Canada, doing my internship in the states, studying for and taking my exam.  I am glad to report that all of those things happened.  Just barely though.  I did indeed take my exam on December 14th and found out the next day that I passed!  It feels so nice to have that behind me and say that I am now a midwife!

But even though everything got done, it didn;t happen as smoothly as I suppose I imagined it. In my last blog I talked about the challenges I had with getting through the process of applying for the exam.  Although I got through it almost Murphy and I (as in Murphy's law) got to know each other pretty well as it seemed that anything that could have gone wrong went wrong.  In this post I will take you back to some of the more emotional and spiritual aspects of the last year. 

Before returning to Canada I knew that Counter culture shock was to be expected.  I also knew it was going to be more intense then any of my other experiences of coming home after being away for a long time/in  different culture i.e coming back from Bible College in Alberta and the three months in Spain.   I had heard people talk about their own experiences of counter culture shock and I had even read and studied it in my textbooks and class during my culture and mission courses at ABC.   I also knew that there wasn't anything I could do to prepare for it.  I did assume however that counter culture shock was going to be something dramatic, something shocking...  like hitting a brick wall, crying over the decision as to what brand of bread to buy, things like that.  But the reality, at least for me was very different.  the best way I can describe the feelings of "Re-Entry" as we missionaries like to call it is that it feels like a thick fog.  Not shock but fog.  I felt lost, out of sync and not quite sure what to do with myself.  I had a terrible time keeping track of anything (more than usual).  I had no desire to write my blog, journal or even story write.  I could feel it in my very soul,whatever it was or is.  a sort of sadness mingled with confusion and feelings of loss.  I don't want anyone to think that I wasn't happy to be with my family because of course I was.   But one of the many things that my experience in the last few years has taught me is that there are no black and white emotions.  One can be happy to be in one place while sad that they are not in the other.  I can't remember if I mentioned this in a previous post but when I was a child my mom read a book to us kids.  It was about a man from china who traveled to the US and as the years went by often went back and forth.  There was a line in there about how when he was in one place he was always homesick for the other.  I remember thinking that, that must be awful!  And now I realize that it has become my fate.  But I don't think its a bad thing anymore.  It means that instead of your heart being in one place you get to have it in two places.  It means I get to be a part of two worlds both of which I love, both of which have shaped me into who I am today. 

The other struggle this last Spring and summer was mine struggling with The Call.  After spending time at Shepherds Home and Safe Refuge Ellora and I felt that we were called to return to the Philippines, work with Safe refuge and then start a ministry in another area that has the same goal and vision.  I am going to pause here for a moment as I want to quickly explain what Safe Refuge does.  It was started by an American midwife (she trained in the Philippines like me) and a Filipina nurse about 11 years ago.  They began as a safe mother and baby home, where women could not only have their babies delivered safely but had a safe place to be.  It turned out the biggest need was to help women stuck in prostitution and sex trafficking.   They have received many women since they started and changed many lives, from all sorts of situations and ages.

So this is what both Ellora and I agreed we wanted to do.  This whole thing felt very overwhelming for me however and I admit that I was hesitate to say "Yes this is God".  I was and am aware of the hugeness of what we were talking and this vision seemed to come on so fast (at least for me), only within about four months.  Although truthfully this idea had been tossed about in my brain but I had never been really serious about it.  When I came back to the ranch I continued praying about it, and it seemed to just make sense that I would go back and so I started telling people that I think I am going back.  But even though I was pretty sure i was supposed to go back I kept struggling with whether or not it was the right decision, it all didn't seem as clear as it did when we were in Manila, everything felt a little out of focus.  The Valley needs young people in ministry and they need midwives too, so I wondered if I was making a poor decision in leaving and what felt like abandoning my home town.  after all, when I was just a child I vowed I would NEVER leave the ranch, and if anyone said anything different they got an ear full.  I felt people's disappointment in my saying I was planning to leave again and I doubted over and over again if it really was God leading me.  After a challenging and difficult summer of this I finally had The Moment I was waiting for.   I was leading the worship at my church and all of my weaknesses in regards to music was coming out, it ended it up being fine  but I was fighting back tears at practice, I knew that it wasn't just the challenging practice and the fact that I have a hard time with timing in music.  I knew it was the final straw to break the camel's back.  So after church I went for a walk down to the river beach, sat on my favorite rock and let the struggle wash over me.  I prayed "what do you want me to do God?" the soft answer "You know what I want you to do," images of Safe refuge came into my mind and then I voiced another one of my concerns as a new midwife.  "What if I make a mistake?" and then God's answer "I will be there with you," and the floodgates finally opened, but it wasn't sad tears, it was tears of relief and joy.  The doubts about the decision to go back to the Philippines dulled and was replaced by not just the knowledge but the feeling of The Calling and peace.
This is not to say that deciding to leave The North Thompson is easy.  I am aware of the need in the place I grew up, I see it, as surly as I see the need in the Philippines.  I have been comparing the needs, doing a mental list of the pros and cons.  But I also know that there is need everywhere, in every corner of the world.  The bottom line is where God is calling you.  Is it near, far or in between?  Right now for me, its the Philippines.  Which to be honest is a surprise for me.  I was planning on coming back to Vavenby, doing short term missions every once in awhile, living in a cabin on the ranch.  That was my dream.  But God has a way of changing our dreams, or maybe He just brings them more into focus because I think this dream had always been there I just couldn't always see it or believe it.
                                                       My degree arrived in the mail the other day!

So Now that I have passed my exam and I can officially put letters beside name (Vienna Helen-Marie Moilliet CPM) and the holidays are over  (a wonderful time with my family and a white Christmas)  I intend to start gearing up for the rather daunting task of fundraising.  I am nervous but also excited.  I have never fund raised before but I am also really excited to connect with churches and share my desire to help women find purpose and Hope in God.  I know that there will be many individuals and churches who cannot afford to support me financially.  I know from personal experience that finances actually isn't the biggest need.  It's prayers.  So if are someone out there and think that you ca't contribute because you wallet will not allow you or you know your money needs to go somewhere else or whatever, it does not mean you can't be involved.  I am asking people who feel led and want to be part of this journey if they would commit to praying for me on a regular bases.  Not just for me but for the ministry that I am heading into.  If you do want to support me financially you can do so through my paypal account or by sending a cheque to my church and indicate its for the Philippine Mission.   I believe I will need about 600 a month for living expenses in manila and probably 1000 for airfare. 

the messiness of applications

Dear readers

well here I am, back in the blogging world.  It has been a long time since my last post, I tried once in June but it never made it to publication.  The reason? it has been hard for me to to write since coming back to Canada In March.  First I think it was because everything was so raw,  and then it was because I was walking through this counter culture fog and I do believe some miner depression.  Basically, I have felt terribly uninspired.  But I am now determined to put type to virtual paper.

Since being back in the Great North, my main goal has been to pass my entry level Midwifery exam, which I do through North American Registry of Midwives (NARM) the exam is typically know among us students therefore as The NARM.  This process has not been easy.  Following is the story of mine returning to The Ranch and and struggling with the "simple" task of an application.

I came back in March whereupon I celebrated my 25th birthday with my family, absolutely wonderful!! The month of April threw me right back into farm life, delivering baby lambs at all hours among other lambing activities.  In May I continued to work 5-6 days a week for my brother on the ranch.  The end of April our family welcomed a new baby to the family and I got to help my brother and sister-in-law for the first few days after my precious niece's birth, which I completely loved!! From there I headed straight to the States where I interned for a month under a very skilled midwife.  I got to catch 10 babies while I was there thus completing my clinical training (As par a new rule by NARM I needed to catch ten babies in  North America before I could apply for the exam) I learned so much in those five weeks, it was really incredible.

I returned to the Ranch in July after stopping off on the island to visit my other brother and sister in law and my two nieces there, very precious days.

  I then started  cleaning the B&B for my mom and studying in my spare time.  I decided that I should study for awhile first before applying for the exam, and anyway I still needed to get my adult and infant CPR which I was waiting to do in August.   Then I decide that to get some extra money I would try my hand at selling homemade pies at the Saturday farmers market.  I wasn't sure if it was going to fly or not but I had always wanted to try it.  Turned out it was pretty successful and kept me financially stable throughout the summer.

As I entered August I decided that I better start gathering my stuff together to get ready to send to National College to get approved to take my exam.(there are two application processes; one to National college for permission to take the exam and one to NARM to take the exam)  so I slowly begin the process, again in no rush as I wanted to be sure I was getting enough studying done.   It took me awhile to find the right checklist to look at but I seemed to finally get a proper list and then I see it, or them.  I found three documents that needed to have signatures from my preceptors, two from the midwife in the states and one from the midwives in the Philippines.   And Thus starts my bumpy journey to application.

So I start panicking and get extremely frustrated with myself because I missed and messed up.  I somehow how was not with it enough it figure out everything I needed signed and had honestly thought I had taken care of everything up to that point.  I also find out that although National college could care less if signature are photocopied NARM needs to have original signatures! which means that for two of the documents I could email the document to my preceptors but they could not scan and email back, they needed to mail it back to me the old fashioned way.  which isn't that bad for the US Midwife as she only lives in Washington but for the Philippines it is quite the big deal.  To top it all off one of the documents was so important that I was worried my ten births would not count in the USA! however National college helped me sort all that out, and I sent off the documents, two to the South and one to the far side of the world.  For the document from the Philippines to be sent back to me it costs 100 dollars.

I wish I could give you exact dates but alas I did not write it all down.  However I do know that I took my CPR and first Aid on August 17th, sometime after that the documents trickled their way back to me.  My transcripts were updated and showed the completion of ten birth. But then National college pointed out that there were some items missing.  This items however were academics that I knew I had completed under Georiga back in Tabuk.  So I messaged to Georiga whom was equally confused by this as she was certain she had sent all information to the school,  Nonetheless she scanned and emailed me the academic information which got sent to National college.  Finally my transcript and documents seemed to be order. 

One fine Fall Morning I went over the checklist just to be sure I had everything.  I came across another checklist on the National college website which was organized seemingly well with what would get sent to the college and what (once I was approved for the test) would be sent to NARM for test application.  and then I saw it.......... another document that needed my preceptors signatures!! it was the forms for five patients that I had seen through their whole care (referred to as COC forms) they needed to be filled out have my initials and my preceptors.  Its hard to describe the feeling when I saw that, I felt sick.  and of course it was a form that needed to be sent to NARM which needed original signatures.  I called NARM.  got a lovely lady and I announced my folly, and yes I do say my folly, these were all things I could have avoided if I had looked at all this five months before!! Anyway the lady on the other end of the phone explained that yes, they do need to have the original signatures on those forms but she suggested that I fill them out, initial them, send them when i send my application into NARM,  meanwhile email it to my preceptors, they initial and sign and send that directly to NARM; thus resulting in less mail travel.   That day I was so stressed and so mad at myself that I guess I took too many deep breaths to try and relax because i ended up with a sore Trachea.  Yes you heard that right, my trachea or windpip was in pain for days after that.  I suppose I hyperventilated and the windpip got inflamed or something.  I never heard of it happening before but I can't think of another reason for painful windpip.  Anyway I came to terms with the document thing and filled out all five forms.  I messaged Georgia and explained the situation.  Then I scan them onto the computer and just to be sure all my "i's" are doted and "t's" crossed I send one to the lady at NARM to be sure they look okay, she replies that it looks good except I did fill in one little section wrong.  So I fill in a whole other set and scan them into the computer.  Then they are sent to Georgia in the Philippines.  This has all taken a few days and now I am trying to be super thorough so I read through all the lists and am reading through some instructions and see a sentence saying something about how the COC forms don't have be sent in if one sends in the client charts, (with all names and contact information blacked out of course) which I had.  so another phone call to NARM and the nice lady says yes that is correct and why don't I just do that as it will save a lot of hassle.  I agree.   I then gather all my stuff up that I need to send to National College of Midwifery.  I get that in the mail and breathed a sigh of relief.  Finally I was getting somewhere.  Meanwhile I get my charts ready to send to NARM.  Now remember there are some things I send to NARM and some to National college and some to both.  the client charts were meant to go to NARM whom I could not send anything to until I had gotten approval from my college.

A week or two later I get an email from National College stating that they had received my application but that I was missing two things.  One of which was no problem, just another form that somehow didn't get sent so I scanned and emailed that to them.  But take a guess what the second one was.  The COC forms.  the forms that I understood only NARM needed and I had decided to give client charts instead of the forms.  (just a note here, I did have written permission from the women of these charts that I could send their information to people like NARM as long as their informaiton was blacked out) So I email them asking if I can send the charts but they tell me to not send charts as they do not want to be responsible for such private documents.  Then I call them and say "But on the list it says NARM needs those forms not you!" the gal I talked to, who was very kind, finally responded by "Oh, you're right it does say that, I don't know why, but I so know we need those COC forms." to her credit she comforted me by encouraging that they would help me through this.  So I messaged Georgia again saying that I did need those forms signed.  Fortunately National college did not need original signatures so they could scan and email a copy to me and then mail the original copy to NARM. (I figured with all the work going into these COCs I might as well use them instead of the charts) It took about a week and half to get those papers signed as some of my preceptors have started jobs at other facilities.  But Georgia got it done as fast as she could and mailed it for me (another 90 dollars) I sent those into National College and they quickly told me I was approved to take the exam yahoo!!!!

So I start gathering all of papers and forms to send to NARM.  A few days before all this I decided on somewhat of a whim to paint my downstairs room. which was in desperate need of a paint job.  On a Friday I go into the bank to get a photo taken of myself (which they need, and at the time I thought it had to be a passport photo) and get a certified cheque from my bank to pay the 1000 USD exam fee.  the place where I thougtht I could get a photo was closed.  Then I go to the bank and they announce that they no longer to certified cheques.  But would a bank draft work.  Well on the payments options they only give me three choices, Visa, Certified cheque or money order.  Visa would cost me an extra 100 dollars, and I had a recent bad experience with a money order to the states. so I was stuck, and had to delay sending my applicaiton until I could talk to NARM after the weekend.  On Monday I call NARM, actually I think they called me after I called and left a message.  So the nice lady calls me and we discuss the situation, she listens and i ask if I can use a draft cheque, she explains she will need to talk to her supervisor and treasurer to confirm if they can receive that and will let me know in a few days.  Meanwhile I continue to paint. oh yeah did I mentioned I had never painted a room before?  Wednesday Night i get an email saying the draft cheque is a go.  So Thursday i get the draft cheque.  Meanwhile I find out the photo can just be a regular photo so I go and get one printed off at the pharmacy.

The next day I triple check everything, say a prayer and drive to the post office and express post it to Tennessee.  That was on November 3rd, and then i wait...and wait...and wait.
I find out everything got there by Wednesday, including the COC forms from the Philippines.  which is perfect because they review applications every Thursday.  It was Remembrance weekend and family came up, which was great as it distracted me and I got some great aunty time in.  Monday there is nothing.  Tuesday came, I sent an email to check on the review status.  Several hours later I receive an email.  It was referring to one of my clinicles;  my review had been delayed to check where some of clinicals had taken place,  It looked as though some of my cont patients didn't count if they happened in the Philippines after 1/1/16.  But all of them had happened in the Philippines! this made no sense to me as I had never been informed of such a thing, only that we needed to complete ten primaries under supervision in the US which I did in June! I replied via email and called, but no answer.  then I start freaking out.  I texted Ellora and showed her the email, she agreed it made no sense as we had nevor been informed of such a thing.  I went for a walk to calm down and have a bit of melt down, crying yelling.....you know, melt down stuff.  The ranchers across the river probably thought there was a dying animal somewhere.  anyway I actually felt a lot better after that.  Next day,  I call three times and left a second message.  A few hours later I get an email apologizing and stating that they were wrong and misunderstood the rules and that those clinicals did count, Hence my review was to commence the following day.  So there was some great relief.  weekend came and went, still nothing.  Finally today, Tuesday I get an email, stating that everything looks good except for one tiny detail, that she hated to have to even worry about.  But I guess on one page on my application I forgot to date it.  and that if I wanted my application to be sent into the testing department tomorrow I needed to scan and email a dated copy of that page asap! so I got that done as fast as I could and sent it.  I just got an email back stating that I got it in, in time and I should be hearing from the testing department soon. So now I am just praying that I get a test date soon and will be able to study all the right things.  I am praying I will get to take the exam in Austin Texes so I can visit Ellora!   My next post I will go into some details about the emotions of going and coming

P.S. I finished my room!
Until next time, over and out
thesheepishmidwife

The last goodbye

So this is going to be a short post as i will be boarding my plane in about 40 minutes,  but thought I would just send out a note to say...well...here we go...back to Canada.  After saying a tearful and difficult goodbye to the clinic and Kalinga.  Not to mention the great graduation and goodbye party at the beach. Ellora and I spent two weeks in Manila at two different birthing homes.  Shepherds Home and Safe Refuge.  There we heard the stories of  women who have been through..well pardon the language but hell on earth as far as our human understanding can comprehend.  Missionaries both foreign and domestic have devoted their lives to helping and rescuing these women.  It was a  hard two weeks since we were in a strange transitional period both geographically and emotionally, but we were both so glad we chose to do those visits.  The truth is, this kind of ministry is where Both Ellora and I find our hearts to be.  

After Manila we headed to Tokyo for three days where I visited my long lost friend from Japan whom I went on a three month Missions trip to Spain 3.5 years ago.  It was a great time, short and low budget but really great. we ate such incredible food, saw some beautiful sights and met some lovely people.  

It is so strange to think I will be in Canada in about ten hours from now.  I am so excited to see my family but also feel a sadness having had to say goodbye to so many people so close to my heart.  This afternoon Ellora and I said our goodbyes.  it kind felt like I was being punched in the stomach.  but both of us know it is only for a season as we are quite certain it will not be long before we see each other again.  Ellora has flown already and will be somewhere over the Pacific, soon it will be my turn! First Vancouver and then off to Kamloops which is only 45 minutes.  

Well thats all for now here is a picture of Ellora and I before our party at Pegudpud.  The dresses we are wearing are traditional Kalinga fabric.  they were a gift from the clinic, a gift i will always treasure dearly...